Slowly We Turned….Heading West via Niagara Falls, Wisconsin, and the Empire Builder

After our sleepless night in Philly we boarded an early train and went up the gorgeous Hudson Valley to Niagara Falls, which I was shocked to find lacked the quaint honeymoon cottages and culture I had been led to expect by recent puff pieces in the national press.  In fact, we were doubly shocked to see how much of the town was derelict–empty storefronts and huge malls, empty.

In contrast, the Canadian side looked like Las Vegas and was thrumming with tourist activity.

Made Of The Mist? The Canadian Side Beckons

We had a good time bumming around in spite of this–the Falls and the park were still beautiful though overcast–we did finally see a rainbow over Niagara in our last hour before leaving.

Touching Water , North Border-View from the deck of The Maid of The Mist (four of the five Great Lakes contribute water to Niagara Falls)

Great Lakes Garden, Niagara State Park

Illuminated Falls At Night

I spoke with a few locals and wrote my first Examiner piece on the town; I ended up discovering a lot more about the region with just a few conversations than I thought I would.  Niagara is experiencing some complex political and economic issues right now, and its survival depends on either a radically improved economy right away or some smart, rapid action on behalf of the state and local authorities, neither of which seems forthcoming.  It’s sad–there’s a lot to enjoy there, potential wasted mostly by political in-fighting.

Sad Empty "Snow Park," Niagara Falls

Full Moon Over The Niagara Rapids, Near The Red Coach Inn

We stayed at the Red Coach Inn, a last-renovated-in-the-1950’s red-velvet funky theme joint–a little dusty, but the staff was friendly and they had an old school menu in the restaurant, e.g. steaks served with a pat of butter on top.  You could hear the Niagara rapids from our room, which was really nice, sound like steady rain.

Modeling "Maid Of The Mist" Blue Ponchos

We did the Maid of the Mist and walked the Falls Park; on our last day, we visited with the Niagara area jeweler that made my wedding band (I’m working on an Examiner piece about him and his work) and he was hilarious and really fun to talk to, but we had to dash to make our next train.

Buffalo Wings At Duff's--Buffalo, NY

We had to change trains and kill about ten hours in Buffalo, which was FREAKIN’ COLD!!  We walked around and a) ate authentic Buffalo wings at purportedly-top-rated-wing-joint Duff’s, which were spicy, greasy, and made us slightly nauseated, and b) found the coolest grocery store on the planet, Wegman’s–better stocked with fresh-prepped, interesting food than Bristol Farms or Whole Paycheck, with FREE WIRELESS IN THEIR CAFE!!!  We ate lunch like, three times during the five hours we were there, stocked up on snacks for the train, internetted, and then went back to the Amtrak station to set off for Milwaukee and points west.

I mean, they had FRESH FLOWERS in the RESTROOM! WEGMAN'S ROCKS!!!

We rented a car and drove from Milwaukee through, YES–WAUKESHA, WISCONSIN!!! HOME OF SPIDERCOW!!! on our way to Baraboo, WI.  We made good time so we drove over to the Dells, which we had been told were “really beautiful.”  They were “really” piled high with Vegas-style waterparks and amusement complexes and moose-and-bear themed restaurants, though we did take a nice hike to the water through the woods only to encounter teens talking on their cell phones and some guy with his boat radio cranked up.  Ah, the sweet sounds of nature.

The Dells

The Dells

At Baraboo we stayed at another funky inn run by a funny retired couple–birdhouses that were little models of the inn and crazy cut-out cows everywhere–but we were skunked by the non-open Circus World, to which we had expressly traveled to Baraboo to see.   Our best guess was that we had obtained their schedule from an old website–there was a newly renovated one when we checked again, and this one said they weren’t going to open until May 22nd.  But we were already there.  Bara-BOOOOOO.

You Know You're In Wisconsin When You See These Next To The Cheese

We went instead and picnicked here at Devil’s Lake–not very circusy but we made do.  There were turtles.

Our Picnic Bench, Devil's Lake, WI

And the Forevertron made the entire Wisconsin junket worth it.  See Samuel’s post and our “Thumbs Up” for more.

The Forevertron

The Forevertron's Love Beam

Other Defenders Of The Forevertron

More in Part II–stayed tuned for House On The Rock!

Sleepless in Philadelphia; Niagara Falling

Love Park, Philadelphia

Friday morning we took the train overnight from Savannah to Philly, where we beheld a sunny morning.  We checked our luggage and our reservation at Club Quarters Philadelphia, and set out for the Mütter Museum (see “Thumbs Up”) and the Mummers Museum later that afternoon.  Both are worth seeing, but don’t confuse the two or you will be permanently messed in the head.

Like the Mütter Museum, the Mummers Museum is not for everybody.  I was drawn to it because I am fascinated by community-created rituals, and Philadelphia’s New Year’s Day Mummer Parade is a bizarre and wonderful example of how folk traditions are initiated, institutionalized, and passed down to new participants.

Philly is home to several Mummers “clubs” (which resemble New Orleans Mardi Gras krewes) that march and dance in a garish New Year’s Day parade, replete with “comics” (clowns), “string bands,” “wenches,” and “fancy brigades.”  The clubs can spend $100-$200k outfitting their membership in fantastical costumes (properly called “suits”) and they compete in themed choreographic presentations that are rehearsed for months on a volunteer basis.

This is a five-minute documentary featuring a champion mummer club, the South Philly Vikings.  (Note: as of 2009, there are no more cash prizes…these folks are mummers for love and bragging rights, and spend much of the year fundraising to make their show possible.  Shades of SpiderCow!!)

The Mummers Museum documents the evolution of the parade from its roots in ancient mummer traditions to its modern regulated state. The museum itself is a little dusty and many of the exhibits are aging and nonfunctional, but we found a few bits of history to enlighten us–the archive photos of early parades are fantastic.  It’s clear the parade was once a subversive romp by a mostly immigrant population–Samuel likened it to the “Burning Man” of its time–but now it is a big money establishment-run affair, and the Mummers Museum helps one understand this evolution from high-spirited improvisational mischief to manic civic competition.

The volunteers who run the museum–members of mummers clubs themselves–will enthusiastically talk your ear off about the Mummer phenomenon.   One is left wondering if there’s a kind of wonderful antic madness running through Philly, or if there just aren’t enough other activities to keep people gainfully occupied.  It’s easy to forgive them for oversharing their excitement though–lots of sparkles for New Year’s Day, a massive and serious contest, and an even more massive and serious party afterwards!!

Mummers Museum, main hall

The Mummers Museum is outside the main tourist area of town where I guess rent is cheap for non-profits–we had a nerve-wracking walk through a rough section of Philly to get back to our hotel.  That tired us out so we opted to have dinner close by at a cloyingly hip place on Chestnut called Continental Midtown, a “global tapas” diner (which translates as small plates, but you can’t say “small” in these recessionary days, even around foodie types who should know better.)

We had our Regionally Required Dish–Philly Cheese Steak–in a won ton wrapper, and it tasted pretty good, if lacking in Philly street cred.

Philly Cheese Steak Wonton, Continental Midtown Restaurant

Sadly, Philly street CRUD was all we had that night at our hotel, Club Quarters Philadelphia.

About one-thirty in the morning, the nightclub downstairs spawned what Samuel dubbed a “horn artist,” i.e. some schmuck who leaned into his/her car horn for about two hours.  That, the shrieking and yelling from the clubgoers, and the consequent sirens two hours later kept us stone awake until about four a.m.  So lovely, as we had to get up at 5:30 a.m. to make our train to New York.

We were beyond zombied and miserable when we went downstairs that morning–mind you, we were on the NINTH FLOOR and the ruckus sounded like it was just outside the window–and Club Quarters gave no quarter when I complained upon check-out.  “Oh yeah, that’s the club downstairs” was all they said, politely, and our only recourse was to write a ruthlessly truthful review on TripAdvisor about our night there.  They didn’t even have their lobby coffee ready.  We were traumatized but too exhausted to actually freak out on it.

It’s really too bad–Club Quarters could have been a nice experience if they had made some attempt to deal with the situation, or with us.  As it is, if it’s a weekend–run away, run away!!

Six a.m. Breakfast of Champions, Philly departure lounge

At six a.m. we slogged onto the train to Penn Station, NYC, where we transferred to the Amtrak Empire State up the Hudson River Valley to Niagara Falls.  It was a packed train, which surprised us, but the scenery was beautiful.

Hudson Valley, from train window

We arrived in Niagara in the late afternoon and were driven to our inn by an Indian taxi driver who drove like Batman having a panic attack (as it ended up, all our taxi drivers were Indian; apparently in Niagara there are a substantial number of immigrants and tourists from India, who often come via Canada.)

From the first moments of our arrival, it was clear Niagara Falls was not all we had been led to believe, though it has kept a few of its maidenly virtues intact.  Sadly, the “Honeymoon Capital of the World” has lost much of its business to the meretricious development across the river on The Canadian Side.  It seems to be sad days for the U.S. portion of Niagara, but maybe that’s about to change???….

….More on that Hard Rock Border War and the Lack of a Honeymoon “There” There when next I post….stay tuned!

Made Of The Mist? The Canadian Side Beckons

Shuffle Off to Buffalo w/Samuel, Elizabeth, and Ruby Keeler

“All aboard the Niagara Limited!”

It’s a grey and rainy Sunday and we didn’t get any sleep last night (more when we catch up about Savannah and Philly) but for now we’re Shuffling Off To Buffalo on Amtrak’s Empire State to Niagara Falls.  We’re going up the river and the scenery is splendid if wet (I kinda like it that way) and we’ll be in Niagara Falls by nightfall, which promises to be wet, too…I mean rainy, you dope.

In the meantime, here’s the famous 1933 “Shuffle Off To Buffalo” dance number from “42nd Street” where Ruby Keeler and her Broadway groom Clarence Nordstrom tapdance their way up the train car to their honeymoon cabin. FYI, the conductors still wear the same peaked caps and punch your tickets with a hand punch (remind me to get a darling bias cut dancing dress and flowered beanie cap the next time I board this train!)

The reveal of the train interior is fantastic and keep an eye out for the young Ginger Rogers and Una Merkel in a top bunk eating bananas and waxing cynical about matrimony.

The clip is prefaced by Warner Baxter’s impassioned speech to Ruby Keeler, which has become a much-lampooned trope but here’s the original in all its melodramatic glory. “You’re going out there a youngster, but you’ve GOTTA come back a STAR!”

Enjoy!